ahhhh...another year, another christmas, and yet another time left wondering how i can simplify more. i'm amused as i look back on my journey involving Christmas time. I remember as a new wife, and then a new mommy, how much i wanted to buy into the martha stewart version of the holidays, right down to the hundreds of cut out christmas cookies decorated painstakingly by hand with several different colors of royal icing and hand placed drages to finish them off perfectly. my joy came in knowing they looked as perfect as the ones gracing the front of martha's magazine...just before i collapsed into bed from exhaustion! well, not really. in those days i had unbelievable amounts of energy that enabled me to feed my need for holiday perfection. don't know how i ever did it, to be quite honest. for years, i would design a handmade craft to give to dozens of friends and family...and put it in a box or bag accompanied by homemade goodies like russian tea, and candied pecans, and fudge. there were many years i even did handmade ornaments for my 25+ nieces and nephews. then i would wrap them beautifully and head to the post office to spend an insane amount of money to send them to all the out of town recepients, and then put my kids in santa hat's to deliver to everyone in town. then i would head home to make a hundred hand stamped cards...i fooled myself for years by telling myself that since my gifts were handmade and homemade, i was way ahead of the game in living out a "simplified" holiday...hah! i won't bother writing about my christmas binder that i kept for years filled with gift lists, ideas, recipes and calenders!
my first step toward simplicity was realizing that our first born child in the first 3 years of her life, had more crap...er...i mean toys and stuff...then i did in my entire childhood. and certainly we couldn't continue on this way every christmas-she would become a nightmare with her expectations! having another babe pushed me quickly into this decision, and daddy was very much in agreement. the fact that 3 of my 4 children also have birthdays that immediately follow in the months after christmas made it easier to shift our focus on gift-giving to their birthdays, and not christmas. in fact, from us they only receive an ornament, special christmas jammies, and a book. santa still makes a visit, of course...with a gift for each, a family gift, and their stockings. interestingly, i still feel like it's too much, but i feel so good when there's not a frenzy of wrapping paper and gift opening until they're numb to what their opening, as it was in our early years.
but that was only step one.
step two was making the decision about the same time that we would no longer dress everyone up and make the trek to both grandparent's homes on christmas day. no, we would host an easy brunch at our home, and everyone was invited...with the forewarning that it would be very casual and we would still be in our pj's, as we would for the rest of the day. then we would order pizza for dinner and hang out with the kiddos all day long. (the BEST decision we ever made in regards to the holiday...)
and these were, perhaps, the only steps for several years that we made towards simplifying! i still kept up with the handmade/homemade for everyone, until the year i had baby number 4, and what extra time i had totally went out the window. i cut the handmade/homemade, but still did the packages...buying games, little decorations and hot chocolate, but that became quickly overwhelming. i went to semi-homemade christmas cards where the kids made the picture for the front...still time consuming. the next year for gifts i did a little goody with a note that said we would be making a less fortunate family's christmas wishes come true as oppposed to sending any more gifts.
i guess what i'm noticing now is that i've progressively taken steps over the years to make things easier on myself, and, in turn, everyone else. 2 years ago i sent no packages at all, except to those cousins whose names my children had drawn for the cousin exchange. i also didn't send christmas cards. (**ack**!!) except to a few friends and family. and guess what? the world went on. my ego felt a little twinge of inadequacy, because really, even though i wanted to move in this direction, my procrastination was what made it happen. (i know, i know...it was my spirit subconsciously moving my body in that direction!) and thankfully, when i got over feeling bad about not keeping up with the holiday crazies, i started actively thinking about how i could make even more changes. last year i didn't send out cards at all. it felt good, but i still felt inadequate, if that makes sense.
i decided last year would be the final one for gift-buying for everyone but my husband, children and god-children, and instead i would donate to a charity in their names, and give the gift of time in some way. i got all inspired by oprah. and then when december hit, and i opened some holiday catalogs, i completely got taken over by the gift buying thing. and started feeling a huge overwhelm in the process. my procrastination gene kicked in, and i found i was dreading the packaging, and sending, blah, blah, blah. i kept saying i felt bad for seeming to be such a scrooge, but i was really, once again, not wanting to face what felt good to me, what felt right to me. then my best friend stepped in, and we were having a conversation. and she said, "next year, i'm just doing charity donations in other people's names." and a light went off. and i said, "that was totally my intention for this year! and you just reminded me of it. and it's what i'm doing." i hung up the phone and immediately went online, and donated in all of my sister's family's names, and friend's names...and it felt like an incredible weight lifted off my shoulders. we still gave a few things, of course...but after christmas, when the stores quiet down, i'll go return all the gifts i bought, and give thanks that i didn't have to go mail all those packages...and that i had a bit greener Christmas this year.
i regret that i spent the weeks leading up to the holiday fretting over gift giving. i'm writing a note to myself so i can remember for next year, in fact. but it won't be going in the christmas binder!
here's another funny thing. somewhere in my gift buying moments, i picked up a copy of a book called, "Simplify your Christmas" by Elaine St. James. one of those little books the big-box book store has sitting up front. best 8 bucks i've ever spent on a book. It was written in 1999; just about the time my second child was coming along and we decided that things had to change. it's filled with even more ideas about how to simplify...had i read it before i ordered christmas cards a week ago, there would be no resurrection of the christmas card tradition happening this year. one of my favorites is giving the gift of time, which she wrote about. not everything will work for everyone; one of her suggestions is giving up a tree, which i cannot imagine doing at this point in my life-it's just too much of a symbol for our family. this is, perhaps, her most radical suggestion...but there are many more that i aspire to. for instance, initiating a "silent night" during the season, where there is no tv, music, video games or computer. a time for reflection...what the advent season was originally supposed to represent before it became all about shopping! there are several suggestions that will work out really well as my children get older; volunteering our time on christmas day being one. there was the sweetest story from one of her readers about their own family tradition of making pictures and then taking them to lonely nursing home patients on christmas day. could i give up a day in my pjs with the family? well, maybe we could do that on Christmas Eve instead, i don't know...
what i do know is it feels good being on a journey towards doing what makes me feel best, and happiest-getting back to basics, looking for deeper meaning in the christmas traditions we celebrate, and enjoying the gift of time with my children. can it happen overnight? no, and in fact, for me, it's been happening over the past 10 years, and i'm still not there!
yep, it's the journey...kind of a parallel of our lives here on earth...a journey where-by we learn from our mistakes(hopefully!)and find what makes us happiest, and most peaceful.
